Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

One of my favorite activities is checking to see who has visited me here on my blog. I don't always know exactly who. Feedjit gives me a location and I can sometimes guess who it was. For example Sheffield England is almost always my friend Melissa. Australia used to always be Boo at Discover Boo, but recently I've gotten quite a few visits from Australia, so I am lucky to have a variety of Aussie visitors.

I've also added an application that shows me the flags of the countries of my visitors. And just in case that isn't enough ways of stroking my own ego, I also have a hit counter that shows the total number of visits I've received.

Because this blogging thing really is at least a little bit about ego isn't it? After all what fun would it be to write it and put it out there if I didn't actually hope that someone would read it. So from the bottom of my heart I thank all of you that stop by here and read my musings, rantings, simple stories, and snippets of my life. From my followers that check in every day, to the casual reader, to the hapless soul that stumbles upon my corner of insanity on the World Wide Web, I offer my appreciation for letting me have an audience.

But I also get a great deal of enjoyment finding out HOW people find me when they find me completely by accident. And by this of course, I mean on the occasion I see that someone has found me by searching Google for a specific term or phrase. So for your enjoyment, I offer a few of the recent phrases that have landed some poor unfortunates on my (likely unhelpful) blog.

Letter to mother - Without a doubt, this is the number one way I get hits from people all over the world. This term has landed people from Latvia, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Philippines, Japan, North Korea, Kazakhstan, Indonesia, and Romania. Latvia alone arrived here 5 times using that search phrase. I am uncertain why Latvians need so much help writing a letter to their mother, but I wish them well. Tell Mom I said "Hi."

How do I convince my wife to swallow? - Dude, I'm no sex therapist, but I can tell you it's one of those things sort of like raw oysters, caviar, and Rocky Mountain Oysters. You either like it or you don't and you've just GOTTA be in the mood for it. And if you convince her to do it anyway, it's not going to be fun for anyone. Gagging and vomiting during sex just isn't a turn-on for ANYONE. I can tell you being reciprocal about the arrangement can go a long way toward encouraging her to try the "oysters" so to speak.

Swallow because my husband happy - We need to get these two together.

Constipated - I've been told on more than one occasion that I am completely full of shit. But I'm pretty sure that still won't help you with your problem. Eat more fiber and drink lots of water. A cup of coffee works nicely too. It hasn't improved my literary bullshit quotient, but it does keep me regular.

Peas and Carrots Story - I don't have one. I think you're meant to be looking here.

6 burgh sweater - The Steelers are the best Football Team in the world. And Pittsburgh is the best hometown I could ever hope to have the God given good fortune to be born into. I hope you found your sweater. Wear it proudly.

What does it mean if my testicles turn green? - It means you shouldn't be sitting in front of the computer reading blogs. And you might want to re-think your choice of sexual partner as well. And I hope you weren't planning on using those testicles anytime soon.

Or maybe you're just getting into the St. Patrick's Day spirit in new and interesting ways. In which case, I'm going to tell you a secret. I've never known a girl to get excited by genitals in any shade of emerald. Frat letters shaved into back hair is another turn-off, but that's another story for another day.

Either way, luck o' the Irish to you my friend. You'll need it.