Tuesday, August 28, 2007

How to Make a Baby Really Mad

Step 1: Give baby dose of Amoxicillin. Baby does not even like Tylenol which is basically sugar syrup, so bright pink liquid poo thinly flavored with bubble gum is bound to go over like a lead balloon. Administer entire syringe while minimizing spitting, gagging and vomiting. Then administer one more milliliter as pharmacy cannot find syringe that holds all 6 prescribed milliliters at one time. Repeat twice daily.

Step 2: Attempt to hook up nebuliser which involves tubing and several separate plastic parts. Also must squirt tiny vial of liquid medicine into cup before attaching cup to said plastic parts. Do all of this while holding baby who wants to chew on plastic parts. Alternately set baby down and let her scream while you assemble. Hold baby on your lap while machine blows medicated mist into baby’s face.

For 8 minutes.


Bonus points: Clean all plastic parts and tubing immediately afterward while balancing unhappy baby on hip.

Step 3: Baby must lie down on couch. Hold baby’s eye open and place two drops of medicated eyedrops in eye all while baby turns head side to side in frantic attempt to avoid drops. Repeat on other side. Try to grow extra arms.

Do all of the above before 8 am.

Repeat several times throughout the day.