Wednesday, March 4, 2009

It's Tough To Apply Mascara With A Toddler Hanging On Your Leg

It has crept up on me over the years. I didn't even see it coming. I have turned into a bona fide FRUMP. Don't get me wrong, I have never been a really high maintenance gal. I did grow up in the 80's so there was a time period where doing my hair took a minimum of two hours and carrying a lighter to assist in makeup application was something that never raised eyebrows. Hey did you REALLY think we achieved that raccoon look without actually melting a crayon on our eyes?
Who would think anyone would actually spend two hours to achieve triangular shaped hair with white stripes down the sides? For those of you unfamiliar with the 80's, people with far more money (but obviously no more fashion sense) were doing the same.
(You're welcome Dani, enjoy!)

But I've never been one of THOSE girls. You know the ones. They would sooner die than leave the house even to run to the mail box without applying full facial warpaint. And in their book, sweatpants are for pajamas, NEVER daytime wear.

I love What Not to Wear as much as the next girl, but with my apologies to you Stacy and Clinton, I have to state it really is acceptable to go to the grocery store in sweats and flip-flops. Try it some time. It's liberating. And those lovely little outfits you put together for Moms? Well, let's just say that Play-Doh and cashmere cardigans just don't mix.

But when you realize your entire wardrobe consists of sweats, or at least elastic waists pants, T-shirts and sweatshirts, you know you're just one flip-flop away from an ambush by Stacy and Clinton. In fact, you might say I'm the poster child for shows like What Not to Wear.

Don't get me wrong. I'll never be a MILF. I'm too old and after bearing three children, the boobs are less Pamela Anderson and more National Geographic. I don't even want to be a Yummy Mummy. You know who I'm talking about. That Mom that drops her son off at pre-school with hair done, manicure in place, creased jeans and a crisp white oxford shirt. Instead of the rest of us shlubs that look like we just rolled out of bed and put on our shoes.

Shhhhhhhh!
I'll tell you a secret. We did just roll out of bed and put our shoes on.

So. I realized the other day that, while not striving to be a glamour-puss, I would like to look like an actual female instead of the shapeless, sexless, colorless, lump of gray I have begun to feel like.

Which is when I realized the makeup in my makeup case is at best two years old (I think I might have worn makeup to Meredith's Baptism) and at worst 15 years old! Do they even have Merle Norman Studios anymore?

Besides being out of date and style, the stuff is downright unsanitary.

So along with my new (7,565,433rd attempt at a) diet, I have embarked on a journey to finding my inner girly-girl.

If you find her could you give her my phone number? I have no idea what she looks like.

8 comments:

Jackie said...

LOL! I've been thinking the EXACT same things about myself! I can't remember the last time I bought a shirt/pants because of something other than their stretch-ability! And I just rummaged through my (once extensive) make-up collection and filled the bathroom wastebasket. Hope you don't mind, I may have to "borrow" this idea for my next blog post. I don't mean to copy, but you read my mind! :)

Irishembi said...

Not at all Jackie! Blog away! I think persistent chronic frumpiness is a common problem with us Moms.

Mary K Brennan said...

Wow, those pictures bring back some memories. I think I'm still undoing the damage my curling iron and Aqua Net did during the 80's. I try to make a conscience effort to look half decent half of the time. That way during the other half I don't feel so bad throwing my hair in a ponytail and wearing sweats 3 days in a row.
P.S.- When you have a minute, stop by my blog and pick up your award. Thanks for sharing your great stories.

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

Don't do it. You'll be sorry. I've had makeup on two times in my life. Once for my wedding. And another for my sister in laws wedding. (They made me do that one) No one knew who I was!

My two traveling companions are really, really girly girls. When we first started traveling together. (We met and were all middle-aged and suddenly single.)They took two hours to go out in the evening. Hell, they even took an hour to get to the beach.
On our second trip, I told them, I'll meet you at such and such a time, and went off by myself. When I think of all our travels and what they have missed and I saw by myself. Its a shame. When we were in Rome, I swear, they spent just as much time curling their hair, than they did seeing the sights of Rome.
Just think what you will miss in your kids life, while putting on make up. So not worth it.
One thing I always did though, is get a really good hair cut. That makes you feel better, without much effort.
When my kids were little I did two things before leaving the house.
1. Ran my fingers through my hair to (Fix) it.
2. Made sure my zipper was up.
Anything else wasn't worth my time.
One more thing,
Can't we all file a class action suit on the makers of sweat pants. We wear them every day for months. When you put on something with a waste band, you suddenly realized you gained 10 lbs. Without even a warning. Not Fair!

Dani said...

Well surprise surprise, I had that poster of Jon hanging on my wall.

I own no makeup, nothing, not even tinted lipgloss. I haven't worn makeup in probably 15 years and I don't miss it and I don't think I'll ever buy any ever again, but I know I'm weird. I was reading in one of my parents mags that 74 percent of women won't leave the house without some makeup.

I laugh at that show what not to wear, maybe if I worked outside the house, I would care more what I look like. I do have some nice tops I wear when I'm going out with other parents, I even had a compliment on my shirt last Friday, that it was very flattering and cut nicely (meaning it showed off my boobs and hid the tummy), I laughed and said "Thanks, it's still a maternity top". ;)

My biggest challenge in the wardrobe department is trying to find a decent bra . . . . the search is still on.

Dani said...

P.S. Thanks MB for the email, I did miss it. Can you believe Jon turned 47 this week, he's a year older than Chuck . . . I love Chuck, but damn why couldn't he have aged as well! hehehe I should talk

Michelle Lynn said...

I just realized last night how 'frumpalicious' I have become when I was rereading an email about Josh's homecoming from the deployment and it said, "dresses are optional". OPTIONAL? Funny how I missed that the first time, and I had been secretly thinking about wearing 'workout' pants (haha really just a fancy way of saying pajamas because there's no 'working out' going on in those). In my defense though, it was 1am and I settled on a clean pair of jeans - and even a little mascara ;)

Norkio said...

Okay, total spit take on "less Pamela Anderson and more National Geographic"!

I do wear make up every weekday because I go to work, and maybe if we go out on the weekend somewhere other than the grocery store or car wash I'll wear it. These days, I spend maybe 10 minutes putting on makeup, that's a long time. I keep it simple, don't wear liquid foundation, and tinted lip gloss. Super easy. But then, I have kind of a ruddy complexion so I like to look like I haven't been hitting the bottle too much.