Open Mouth, Insert Size 8, Swallow Hard

My husband smokes. This isn't earth shattering, and any more it's not even news. We both used to smoke when we started dating, so I feel a little bit hypocritical being so adamantly opposed to his habit now. The thing is, he already quit.

When I got pregnant with Sabrina, I had already been trying to quit and the fact that the occasional cigarette I was sneaking was beginning to make me queasy was one of the first clues there was a bun in my oven, before the little pee-on-a-stick confirmed it. But as soon as I saw two lines, I quit. I was done. Haven't smoked one since.

Dave, took a little, um persuading. He had good intentions. He tried the patch, Nicotine gum, Wellbutrin, and various combinations of all of the above. Yet every morning when I would go to the garage I would have to stop and vomit in the trash can because I was hit by a wall of cigarette smell. I couldn't make him understand that "not smoking in the house" included the garage where I had to get in the car every morning. But even the threat of a displeased morning-sick cranky pregnant wife could not get him to quit.

Finally, FINALLY, he set a date for Sabrina's first birthday and he did it. And he hadn't smoked since that day almost 7 years ago.

Or so I thought.

Dave's a construction worker. A lot of construction workers smoke. I realize this is a stereotype, but having worked in construction for years myself, I can assure you there is a basis for the stereotype of the guy in the hard hat with a smoke hanging out of his mouth.

For this reason I didn't get too alarmed when I smelled smoke on him occasionally. He works around other guys that smoke. I get that. I don't like the smell, but it was gone when he washed up after work.

But I really thought we were past the days where you took up smoking "because all the guys are doing it."

It's true. As I suspected men don't seem to mature much past 18.

When he finally 'fessed up and told me he was smoking again I offered to "encourage" him to quit. And by "encourage" I mean harping on him day and night and listing the evils of smoking and warning him of all ill-effects. Not to mention, shutting him off. I have no interest in kissing an ashtray. I know. I am the worst kind of reformed smoker.

The kids have picked up on this and they now "encourage" him to quit as well.

This morning when I took Jamie to Pre-School another little boy and his Mom were waiting along side us. They hadn't been to school in a week or two and I was happy to see them. I like this Mom. She's funny, down to earth, and we enjoy chatting before and after school. She also happens to be a smoker, but I'm generally far less obnoxious about it to people other than my husband.

But this particular morning I heard her son saying, "Mommy you better get rid of your cigarettes or I'm calling the cops." She said back to him, "Yeah I really need to. I will." Assuming she was trying to quit also, I said, "At least he's nice about it. Jamie just tells my husband, "You're going to DIE!"

And she said, "My Mom did just die. From smoking. On Tuesday."

I hereby vote all people should get one option of allowing the floor to open up and provide a quick and clean disappearance.