And......There Goes The Last Of My Christmas Cheer

I know my last few posts have been rather "cranky" in tone.

I'm not done yet.

Yesterday I was running errands in the pouring rain. December rain is the most depressing, soul-flattening rain ever experienced. I had just gone to the specialty pet store to try out a new food for the panty-muncher who seems to think that pooing on the carpet is now welcome behavior, when I spied a Starbucks nearby.

I like coffee and have even described myself as something of a coffee snob. I am particular about my coffee, but simplistic in my expectations. It has to be good, it has to be strong, and it has to be hot. You'd be surprised how hard it is to obtain the last expectation ever since the Darwin Award runner-up won millions of dollars from a fast food chain because she spilled it on her crotch and was shocked to find that it was actually HOT, like it says RIGHT THERE ON THE CUP!

But Starbucks takes coffee snob to a whole different level.

I walked in and eyed the menu board to see what was on tap so to speak. It said right there to "ask what we're brewing today!"

So I approached the 19 year old "barista" behind the counter and asked exactly that. To be precise I said "What hot coffee do you have available?"

She said "Do you mean hot coffee?"

Is there an echo in here?

When I assured her that by asking for hot coffee I did indeed mean hot coffee, she stated that they had Pike Place coffee and Christmas Blend. I'm familiar with Pike Place coffee as this is the coffee they always have available and I usually purchase, but was intrigued by the Christmas Blend. So I used my own personal barometer question by which I judge most coffee, "Is it a strong coffee blend?" She answered in the affirmative, so I asked if it was stronger than the Pike Place coffee.

"Um, it's a bold blend with spicy notes."

Well I'm relieved to hear that it's assertive enough to ask me out on a date and will probably wear a sexy outfit.

"But is it stronger than the Pike Place coffee?"

"Um, it might be."

Very helpful. I'll take the Pike Place as I'm not feeling adventurous today.

"OK, give me a medium cup of the Pike Place."

You almost heard the hush blow through the place and a slight gasp from the trendy couple browsing the Internet on their matching laptops at the nearby uncomfortable but oh-so-urbane bistro style postage stamp size cafe table.

"Um, did you mean a Grande?"

I, assuming in my unenlightened mind that Grande meant "large" because that is actually what GRANDE translates to, said, "No I mean a medium." And considering Starbucks has it's origins in Seattle, Washington, which last time I checked was in the continental United States and didn't in fact have any connection to Italy, I couldn't understand why the sizes were listed partially in Italian anyway.

The trendy couple shook their heads in disgust at my uncouth, and the 19 year old gave me a pitying glance as she plucked a Grande cup from the pile of paper cups and attempted to educate me. At which time I discovered that Venti is large - even though it actually translates to "twenty", Grande is medium, never mind that it actually means large, and Tall, in a remarkable stroke of contradictory genius, is a small.

Give me my damn coffee and let me slink out into the rain with the other unwashed masses.

Auditory Incontinence

This weekend I sat next to another Mom while our daughters played together at a birthday party. She's a stay-at-home-mom just like me. She is also one of Sabrina's Girl Scout Troop Leaders, coaches softball and basketball, active in the school's PTA, volunteers for several other school related functions, as well as our church. She made me tired just talking to her. Did I mention she has 4 kids? She's one of those Moms that you just want to hate, but she's so unbelievably sweet and kind on top of it all, you can't help but like her despite the fact that she'll volunteer for almost anything.

I, on the other hand, will never inspire that kind of hatred. Unless someone envies my lack of organizational skills and devil may care attitude toward housecleaning.

My one concession to volunteerism, is the school's emergency phone tree. I sign up for it every year. I've only been required to make phone calls twice now; once last year when the school district called a late 2 hour delay, when every other school district in the area was capable of detecting the 11 inches of snow at 5:00 a.m., and today when the school district decided to dismiss early for bad weather that apparently only they are aware of since my roads are dry as a bone and every other school district has completed a full school day.

I have been given an envelope containing a note card for each child in Sabrina's class. Each card is meant to have a list of 4 phone numbers and/or contacts for each child that can be reached in just such an emergency. It's not unusual that I have to call all 4 (or more) numbers in order to reach someone. Sometimes it is a someone that had no idea they were listed on this card, and have no idea why I am calling them. So while this particular act of volunteering occurs rarely, it takes up a significant amount of time and usually gives me a thundering headache when it does.

I had a simple message to deliver. "Hi, this is [-------------], I'm calling to let you know that [----- ------] Elementary is dismissing children at 2:55 p.m. today so [your child] will be home approximately a half-hour early."

This message is met with confusion (as it was by me, since there is no snow anywhere to be seen), annoyance, questions, and sometimes outright hostility. I guess they've never heard the saying "Don't shoot the messenger."

But the most annoying thing my call was met with today was......

.....music.

I may be about to display the fact that I am incredibly un-hip (not that this was EVER a secret), and quite possibly this practice has been around for some time.

But who came up with the brilliant idea to provide a service where people can force you to listen to a song of their choice while you wait for your call to be connected to their phone?

I do not want to wait three minutes just to be told you are not there anyway and leave a message and by the way "If you're a private caller or blocked your number, then un-block it cuz I ain't answering." This was an honest to goodness classy greeting I was met with. But I especially don't want to wait for that greeting while listening to rap for 2 minutes.

This happened three more times. I have nothing personal against rap musicians, or the other artists I was subjected to against my will. It's just not what I personally enjoy listening to.

Don't get me wrong. I love music. I have very eclectic tastes in music and there is very little that I won't listen to. But the point is, I like what I want to listen to not necessarily what you want to listen to. This is equally annoying as music blaring at me from a playlist when I open someone's facebook page or a blog where their playlist is set to auto-play. I appreciate everyone's right to their own musical tastes, but at 1:00 a.m. when Marilyn Manson blares through my speakers unexpectedly, well it's enough to make me pee my pants.

Sneezing makes me pee my pants, but at least that's self inflicted.

Do Not Read This Unless You Are Over 18

"Vote early and vote often," is a quote attributed to three different Chicagoans; Al Capone, Mayor Richard Daley, or Mayor William Thompson. None of whom had a stellar ethical recommendation. And all of whom did their best to tamper with the election process to their own benefit.

Let's hope we've gotten those kinks worked out since 2000, er, I mean the first half of the 20th century.

Vote your conscience and vote for whoever you believe in. And may the best man win. They say Americans get the President they deserve.

I hope we deserve better this time.

Dusting Off My Soapbox

Am I the only one disturbed by this ad? Never mind the adult dressed as a condescending frog.

Why shouldn't kids want to look at and actually READ the book about frogs?

And why do kids need a little electronic pen to read a book to them? Isn't that what parents are for? Will we now need an electronic device just to READ for Pete's sake?

I have nothing against Spongebob personally. I'm sure he's a really nice sponge and all, other than that laugh that makes my brain feel like it's just been rubbed against a metal cheese grater. But can't my kids (and my poor shredded brain) have a break from him for a nanosecond? Could we possibly just read Goodnight Moon? Or Guess How Much I Love You? Or even Harry Potter? Does it ALWAYS have to be about television, even when it's not television?

Excuse me while I go read Where's Spot by Eric Hill for the bajillionth time today.

I'll never get sick of it.

I'm Irishembi And I Approve This Message

I watched this video over at blurbomat.com today (thanks Blurb).

I do not wish to engage in a political debate via my blog. And I have so far mostly resisted the urge to express any political leanings on here.

And I can't even say that I regard Barack Obama with the same messianistic fervor that he seems to have inspired in some people.

But of the candidates available, well, as one of my friends expressed, "I'd vote for a three-toed sloth if he (or she) was running against McCain." There's just not enough lipstick in the world to make him look appealing.

Yesterday my daughter's pediatrician pointed out that he used to manage the entire pediatric practice for some years. And that pediatric practice had a budget similar to the town of Wasilla. So he mused that maybe that qualified him to be (Vice) President? Admittedly he can't see Russia from his back yard so maybe not.

Let's make a start at fixing what's broken. Four more years of the same is not the answer. With or without lipstick.

I Can Always Use An Extra Hand

In my experience, babies want to be held. Toddlers also want to be held. And big kids like to hold your hand. Well, okay, maybe they don't like it - but generally they still need it.

I have three children and two hands. This creates a fundamental deficit of hands.

When Meredith was born something had to be done about this and I re-discovered the world of Babywearing, whereby you can carry your baby with the help of a sling, wrap or an Asian style baby carrier.

I say RE-discover as I had tried a sling when Sabrina was born and we both hated it. Little did I know that A) there were better slings out there than the kind Wal-Mart sells and B) I'm not a sling girl. I liked the comfy coziness of a wrap carrier with a newborn, and now that Meredith is older, the supportiveness and comfort of a Mei Tai.

But to arrive at those conclusions I had to go through a lot of different carriers and persevere. I had no choice. I was out of hands.

If you would like to enter a contest at Alongfortheride.biz (and I receive absolutely no gain from this contest other than an entry for myself) to win the ultimate "stash" of baby carriers, click below to find out more.

But in the meantime if you figure out how to grow some extra hands, let me know.

Win the Essential Babywearing Stash from Along for the Ride (one Beco Butterfly, one Hotsling baby pouch, one BabyHawk Mei Tai, one Zolowear Ring Sling, and one Gypsy Mama Wrap)

Definitely Something I Want to See

Click on the ad to see the trailer.