Thirty Years From Now She'll Discuss This In Therapy

We've had a lot of bubblegum being passed out in our house lately. This is an ongoing battle between Dave and I. He feels the kids need more candy and I feel they don't. After all, it'll spoil their appetite for the bread and water.

But truly he seems determined to give Jamie and Sabrina a wicked sweet tooth, and frankly they don't need the assistance. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with the occasional candy or sweets or even gum. I'm not one of THOSE Moms. It's not like I pass out toothbrushes for Halloween or anything. Because seriously? You people that do that? You're just begging to have your house egged.

Not that I've ever done that or anything.

But when Jamie asks for a piece of fruit and Dave says "Here's a cupcake," I get a little annoyed. And it's becoming a bit of an addiction.

This morning I picked up Meredith and found bubblegum stuck to her pajama'd bum. I was fed up. I decreed there would be no more gum chewing in the house.

As if I had just taken away her last crumb of happiness, Sabrina melted to the floor in a sobbing heap and cried out "FOR HOW LONG?" And because I hadn't had my coffee yet, I replied, "Until you're a teenager and can wash your own clothes."

She was so distraught I almost called Child Protective Services on myself.

We were barely able to peel her off the floor and get her on the school bus as she was concerned with every possible scenario that might involve gum. What if her teacher gave her gum? What if she got gum for Easter? And hey what happened to the gum that was in the cupboard right now?

When I informed her I had thrown it out (I'm really cranky in the mornings) I thought it might be wise to hide the razor blades.

Man if she reacts this way to loss of bubblegum privileges can you imagine how she'll react when she's 16 and I tell her that no she cannot pierce her eyebrow, and I threw out that pack of cigarettes I found in her backpack? And that guy with all the piercings and tattoos that drives a van? No she can't have him either.