I'm Still Waiting For The Smurfs

There seems to be a recent resurgence in toys from the 1980's. Being a decade I'm rather familiar with, you'd think I would enjoy this. I'm OK with Sabrina rediscovering Strawberry Shortcake and Rainbow Brite. Transformers are kind of cool and I'm even tolerant of Jamie's interest in the Care Bears and their theme song that burrows into your brain until you're ready to have a lobotomy just so you can stop singing "Care Bears Countdown! 4-3-2-1!...."

But what I'm not sure we're ready for is Jamie's latest passion, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I'm not so sure we were ready for it the first time around.

I find the moniker "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" to be one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. How exactly do those four things go together? Yeah yeah I know all about how they were washed down into the sewers with some radioactive toxic waste that caused the little turtles to mutate.

Having grown up with more than a minor interest in reading science fiction and fantasy novels I'm probably even more accepting than most of the whole "mutant creature" theory. But wouldn't you think they'd mutate into, oh, I don't know, Mutant Turtle Saber Tooth Tigers or something? When I think of ferocious crime fighters, turtles almost never come to my mind. It's almost as formidable as the name of our local hockey team. Cute tuxedoed flightless birds. Who thought that was intimidating? But I digress.....

And teenage? I don't have any teenage children of my own as of yet, but I can remember being one, and while there are certain aspects of teenager-dom that are a bit, well, mutant, I still don't understand how radioactive waste mutates one into a teenager, turtle or otherwise.

Besides I don't even really believe those turtles are teenagers. I've never seen any of them sporting even one zit or trying to get into the little girl turtles' pants.

As for the Ninja aspect, the former ninja master turned into a large rat is awfully improbable as far as I'm concerned. I still think he's Chuck E. Cheese before he settled down, sold out to the establishment and opened restaurants.

But this past Christmas made us host to a collection of TMNT toys. "TMNT" is how they try to make them seem ultra-cool. Sort of like when New Kids On The Block decided to go by NKOTB. Yeah it didn't work out so well for them either.

Cowabunga dude.