It Doesn't Even Require Studying

A certain person who shall remain nameless had a "procedure" about a year and a half ago. Said procedure was to prevent us from becoming a 6, 7, or 8 person family. Because another person around here tends to become pregnant alarmingly easily. Case in point: Jamie. We don't even remember doing anything that involved birds OR bees that month.

Immaculate Conception? Probably not. If Jamie develops any Christ-like tendencies we'll let you know. Pretty sure you're safe on that score.

There is a test that is supposed to be done to ensure that this procedure was successful. One at 6 months post-procedure and again at 12 months. Mr. Nameless feels the second one is unnecessary and resents my repeated "suggestions" that he should complete this test.

This test just seems like a good idea to me. Especially after my period arrived 5 days late last month. Five days of white-knuckles. I also now own absolutely no discernible fingernails and have single-handedly boosted the dividends for the stockholders at E.P. T.

Does this test involve needles you ask? No. Surely then it must involve pain or discomfort? Squashing of body parts? No, not at all.

I on the other hand have endured 3 and 1/3 pregnancies. All of which involved fairly extensive tests. These tests were, at best, undignified and invasive, and at worst downright painful and involved needles, scalpels and blood. Not to mention that whole 24 hour session at the end whereby I attempted to do what amounts to pushing a watermelon through a flute.

And they put stitches in my WHAT?

But he doesn't want to have to submit to a test that involves an actual ORGASM. How much less painful can a test get?

If I have to push anymore watermelons he won't need a surgical procedure. I'm pretty sure I can fix it with the kitchen shears.